Saturday, February 26

How To Get Your Girlfriend To Like Football

Dear Men,
One of the most common misconceptions men seem to share is the idea that women despise football because of it's violence and brutality. When in reality, that couldn't be farther from the truth. If you don't believe me, look at the TV shows we base our entire weekend schedules around. Gray's Anatomy, CSI, Law and Order, etc. So once again you're left completely puzzled as to why your girlfriend won't join you on game day. The answer is simple. The reason women love CSI & Gray's Anatomy, rather than football, is because they associate "their shows" with unwinding and relaxing in front of the TV after what always seems to be "the most stressful day ever". Here is my first bit of advice, instead of asking how her day was, and having to sit through a 10 minute rant about how she feels unappreciated at work, let her have her 60 minutes of bliss while she imagines your face on McDreamy's body. Women have a hard time accepting football because it is played during the day, while the men should be doing something more productive. Women think you're either too lazy or too loud while they are either cooking, cleaning or plotting how to block ESPN.
So, heres my advice to you. You can get a woman to accept football if you figure out a way to get it to relate to something she enjoys.

1. Be the perfect boyfriend on the mornings of the game. This doesn't mean follow her around all morning making sure she has everything she needs, because that could definitely backfire. But make sure she doesn't have to do much of anything. Take over all tasks she would normally do, and this is very IMPORTANT, make sure she sees you doing them. Because if she didn't see you make her a cup of coffee with non-fat milk and no sugar, then she will literally think she blacked out for 5 minutes and made it for herself.

2. Make sure she is relaxed. Now this one is a little tricky because trying to make a woman relax when she has something on her mind, is about as impossible as cuddling with a lion. No woman knows the solution, but I have a couple tips that could help. Do not leave the house unless there is an absolute emergency. Make sure you are either cooking, cleaning or doing laundry. This will help redirect her focus from her problems to the problems you are currently creating, because News Flash: you're doing it wrong. DO NOT take up any activity that creates noise. Noise leads to anxiety, anxiety leads to anger and anger means it's time for you to dig up that tent in the garage because the couch no longer suffices as the "Dog House". If the taking up of domestic activities does not work, then you've got a serious situation on your hands that needs drastic intervention. So, repeat after me, "honey, let's go buy that car you wanted, and on the way home i'll buy Costco's entire chocolate aisle. But we can't be too long or we'll miss the Bachelor!"

3. Make it a date. Make sure to bottle up any desire to curse, scream, burp, fart or get over excited while watching the game together. Let her learn the basics and come into it on her own. Let her ask questions, and begin to make calls, that are always wrong but you NEVER correct her, that's the refs job. Let him become the enemy & not you. Then let her talk about the hottest players on each team, and reminisce about the times when "your butt looked like that". Let her google him and tweet about how great he played and you're in. She's hooked.

4. Allow her to enjoy the game in her own space and at her own time. If you force her to watch the game with you, then she will never learn to love it. She will only do it because she knows you love it and you made her coffee & bought her a car that morning. If you let her decide to watch the games with you, she will eventually begin to understand that games are fun and exciting. It will initially be because she wants to spend time with you and watch hot guys run around in tight pants, but she will eventually begin to understand there is much more to it than ranking who has the best hair, butt and legs. Who knows, she may even become such a fan that she'll start filling you in on fun facts. Women LOVE knowing fun facts.

5. Patience is key. Start inviting her to spend time with you and your buddies to make her feel included. I'll let you in on another little secret. Women don't like their boyfriends to have fun without them. So when she calls you while you're watching the game with the boys, just...try not to laugh. Or smile. Also, if she hears you having a good time without her, she's going to spend the next 24 hours telling "remember when" stories of the times she made you laugh, when in reality, you were probably laughing at her.

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