Thursday, July 21

Things That Need To Be Addressed...

1. Being lied to in elementary school about having to write in cursive in high school.
2. When i'm home alone and I hear a noise...I think i'm about to die & freeze.
3. Um no. I don't know the answer. That's why my hand was not raised.
4. Sucking a cup to your face and then panicking when it won't come off.
5. If we weren't supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
6. Pretending to talk on your phone when you're alone in public and then it actually rings and scares the shit out of you.
7. Pocket dialing your boss when you're shit faced & singing.
8. Pocket e-mailing your boss while you're shit face & graduating.
9. Opening the fridge 10 times just to make sure something didn't magically appear.
10. Telling a funny joke, but it's not funny.
11. Having 50 tabs open on your computer and you can't figure out which one the f#$%ing sound is coming from?!
12. Clogging the toilet. That's awkward anywhere.
13. Write a hilarious status on facebook. No one likes it.
14. Trying to act all cool while walking backwards and talking to someone but then crash into something. But you deserved that one. You were walking backwards.
15. You got to fight! For your right!! To PARRRTAAYYY! Actually, you're not invited.
16. Walk into a room & forget why you went in there. Think really hard. Give up.
17. Think you sent a text to the wrong person. Fake heart attack. Wait, did send a text to the wrong person. Real heart attack.
18. Playing hide and go seek. Find the best spot ever. Have to pee.
19. Trying to show off for a guy. Ball hits you in the face. Regardless of where you are, a ball hits you in the face.
20. Watching TV in the middle of the night. Volume 15 is too low. Volume 16 is too high.
21. Check your cell phone in the middle of the night. Screen light burns holes in your eyes.
22. Try to take a picture at a bar. It's a video. Having to hear yourself scream "it's a videooooooooo0oooo0Oooo" the next morning during playback.
23. Can't hear what someone said so you laugh and nod. It was a question.
24. Go to bed early. Lay awake for 9 hours.
25. About to be in a deep sleep. Dream you're falling. Body spazzes 3ft in the air.
26. Think you've mastered the silent fart. Startled when you & your colleagues realize you haven't.
27. Order a big mac meal, super-sized, with a McFlurry, and a diet coke please.
28. Still walk skeptically into rooms in your own house when home alone. Realize you've watched one too many horror films.
29. Sing really loud when home alone. Find out you're not home alone.
30. Pretend you don't sing & dance in front of the mirror.
31. Ask your date to wait one second for you to run to the bathroom. Line takes 10 minutes. Awkward regardless of the explanation. He thinks you took a 10 minute shit.
32. Feeling the need to laugh at little louder than everyone else so people KNOW it's your favorite movie.
33. Wanting to punch someone in the face but don't know why?
34. Having a tune stuck in your head all day but you don't know the words. So everyone around you gets to listen to "hmmmmmmmmmm hm hm hm hmmmmmmmmmm hm hm hm hmmmmmmmmmmmm"
35. Fuck
36. Ing
37. Shoot
38. Me
39. In
40. The
41. Face
42. "hmmmmmmmmmmmmm hm hm hm hmmmmmmmmmmm"

Get Drunk

"One should aways be drunk. That's the great thing; the only question. Not to feel the horrible burden of Time weighing on your shoulder and bowing you to the earth, you should be drunk without respite. 
Drunk with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please. But get drunk.
And if sometimes you should happen to awake, on the stairs of a palace, on the green grass of a ditch, in the dreary solitude of your own room, and find that your drunkenness is ebbing or has vanished, ask the wind and the wave, ask star, bird, or clock, ask everything that flies, everything that moans, everything that flows, everything that sings, everything that speaks, ask them the time; and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird and the clock will all reply: "it is Time to get drunk! If you are not to be the martyred slaves of Time, be perpetually drunk! With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please."

I choose wine please.